Mrs. Murphy’s Day
John is out of town all week and Mrs. Murphy’s Law has been in effect. You know that law, “Whatever can go wrong will go wrong and it will do it while Murphy is out of town.” Yesterday one of the air conditioners at the Magnolia House and 2 fish in the fish pond died. This morning another fish gave up the ghost.
While I was baking croissants for breakfast the oven took on a life of its own, went into self cleaning mode, and locked the oven door. I didn’t know if some god of the ranges was suddenly demanding a burnt offering of croissants or what. But, I had 10 people coming to breakfast and I wasn’t about to give up those croissants without a fight.
So I pushed every button on the control panel and yanked hard on the door several times. The door opened –But—the croissants were not done baking. The question of the morning quickly became, “Do I serve half baked croissants or take the chance the chance that they would indeed become the offering for some half-baked deity that has control of my oven?” Pride goeth before the fall—or What good is a half baked bun?
I’ll close the door very slowly and softly. Maybe he won’t notice. Very slowly and softly the door is closed. Five minutes later the oven chimes ring out to inform me, “The door is locked.” “No! NO! NO!” With confidence I approach the range. I mash every button again. Yank, Yank, yank. The croissants are mine again……Still half baked. Back they go again. Softly ever so softly the door is closed.
Ok, Donna, get on with breakfast, prepare the fruit, make the coffee, start the eggs. Ding, Ding, Ding!!! Damn! Kick the range. –Mash those buttons.—Yank that door—Do it again.—Do it again! The light flickers. Mash—Mash- Yank. Success! Grab the croissants. The bottoms need to brown just a little more.
Reason begins to take over. I know that if I put those croissants back one more time nothing will save them from becoming blackened rocks. Donna, just serve them with jam and apologies.
Shortly after breakfast is over I call for appliance repair. They are booking appointments for Saturday. It’s Wednesday, for heavens sake. But, they will see what they can do.
I sit down at the computer, clamp on the ball and chain, and start to do the worst of all jobs, balancing the checkbook. This is a job that should be done between the hours of 1 and 3 AM, when there are the fewest interruptions. Strangely enough I like to sleep then.
I’m just getting a good start when I look up to see the handy man sneaking by with a box of baking soda in his hand. “Where are you going with that?”
“Well I checked the pH in the fish pond, after I found a dead fish, and it is a little off. I thought I would just dump some of this in the pond and see what happens.”
“No, no, no, no. Let’s call the fish shop or better yet take a sample of the water up to them and see what they say.”
Back to the check book. Phone rings several times. Doorbell rings. Take reservations…Answer questions…Run to the store…. Handy man is back from fish place with medicine for fish pond. He tells me, “I’ll just add this to the pond and add some more water and the fish will be fine. Oh, and by the way, the new refrigerator is not making ice in the ice maker.”
“Oh, where is it making it?”
“No it’s not making any ice at all. I think it may have a bad solenoid”
“You know, I just do not want to hear this right now. Don’t tell me another word and I will pretend that I didn’t hear you say that.”
“No, No just let me show you.”
“NO, I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. GO AWAY! GO OUTSIDE AND WORK… If anything else breaks, don’t tell me about it. If anything breaks, dies, or collapses throw a tarp over it and tell John when he gets home. But don’t tell me about it.
Later I relent and sneak up on the refrigerator. I open the freezer door and find that the ice bin has been pulled out too far so the lever thingy can’t drop down. I push it back. The machine whirls, hums and begins to make ice. I’m a miracle worker.
Back to the computer and the check book. I’m about halfway through when the appliance repairman shows up. I explain to him about the range god demanding a burnt offering. He rolls his eyes at me and asks, “What did you do to it?”
“Nothing, I swear I didn’t do a thing.”
“No I mean how did you get the oven door open? No one ever gets the door unlocked after it goes into the self clean mode on its own.” Me thinks that he has met the range god before.
I leave him to his tools and devices. Later on the way to answer the door I see him squatting in front of the oven door. Staring at it!! I bend over and whisper in his ear. “I’ve seen this movie. The plot is really thin and there is no action to speak of. He smirks and continues his oblations.
The day is winding down. The range is fixed, we think. The icemaker is making ice. The fish are perking up and taking solid nourishment. I almost finished balancing the checkbook. Two granddaughters are coming to spend the evening with me. So I had better wrap up here. I’ll just finish this one last thing on the checkbook and it will be balanced. I hit the wrong key and UNMARK ALL. The whole day’s work just went down the computer drain.
“Murphy, Where you when I need you?”
